It's a beautiful thing to be able to see the best in people. I feel like one of the God given gifts of being a counselor is seeing the potential of who someone can become. It’s a wonderful thing to be believed in.. To see another’s potential and encourage them to get there. The setback of this beautiful gift is that we often miss out on seeing people for who they are right now. And this can be a problem in a dating relationship.
We all have areas we need to grow and mature in, right? But we aren't obligated to wait around for someone else to mature. Because honestly, most of the time it isn't true maturity and growth when it's done because the person wants to do it for their partner. Growth should already be a process that's happening on its own before the relationship starts. Over the course of my adult life I’ve realized there are areas that need maturing that I wasn’t aware of before. The difference is I have always been dedicated to growing in this way, even before marriage.
If you can't see yourself with your boyfriend just as they are today, it may be time to let them go. Don't marry a man for who he can become - marry him for who he is right now. If you are meant to be together then it'll work out in the end. You can't mess Gods plan up for your love life unless you're being blatantly disobedient.
If you’re afraid of letting go I challenge you to really ask yourself why? You care about the person? Well I’d hope so since you’re dating them. But far too often us ladies settle for less. If you really dive deep into your soul you may find that you really believe you deserve better but don’t think you’re worth it or good enough. You are so lonely that it’s better to be with someone than to be alone. Or maybe he makes you feel less insecure and better about yourself. Girls, I can tell you right now that if you aren’t marrying someone for who they are but because of how they make you feel – you’re in it for the wrong reasons. Marriage is way too hard for that.
My point is, don’t settle. Don’t let your current circumstances (i.e. loneliness, insecurity, etc.) direct your entire future. Pray for God to reveal red flags in your partner and to see their true character. Pray that He would guide you in your decision-making. That He would reveal to you areas in your own heart that need growth. Ask Him if you’re gaining something from the relationship that God himself should be fulfilling in you. Pray He would give you the courage to let go if need be. And if you’re afraid to pray any of these things – you probably don’t want to hear the answer. And honestly, I think that’s your answer.
I'm a Christian counselor who loves to help people get to the root of their current problems so they can live from a place of authenticity and freedom!